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Karen's Musings
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estherchaya
estherchaya
Tobie's Birth Story
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eyelid From: eyelid Date: May 10th, 2010 02:43 pm (UTC) (Link)

Shortly before 9am, the contractions were one on top of another and I was in agony. I got checked and I was 6cm. I was horrified. One stinking centimeter. And four more to go! My doctor offered either an epidural or IV pain medication. I asked for the IV pain medication (Nubain), and told her that it wasn't a granola crunchy aversion to the epidural, it was just a fear of losing control over part of my body (I had a stroke when I was 23 - having the spinal with my c-section was a horrific experience that was all-too-familiar). She said she knew that, which is why she offered, and then she headed out to order the Nubain when suddenly I was completely out of control, sobbing, unable to imagine going through this kind of pain for another four whole centimeters. I told Seth to hell with the Nubain, I wanted the damned epidural. I figured I could better handle the anxiety attack from the loss of control in my body than I could handle this level of pain for hours to come. All I could think was, "if it's this bad now, and transition is going to be so much worse, there is no way I want to go through transition." Seth caught the doctor before she'd even gotten to the nurse's station (across the hall from my door) and told her I wanted the anesthesiologist. And so, I got myself an anesthesiologist. I didn't like him much, but mostly I wanted the pain to go away.


ha ha... this is very very familiar.

when you're in screaming pain, all other considerations kind of fall by the wayside of "MAKE IT STOP NOW PLEASE"

congratulations on being done, and on the vaginal delivery!
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: May 10th, 2010 03:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much. I'm so glad to have that pregnancy behind me. I would gladly go through labor (even without an epidural) all over again to have another beautiful baby, but I would *not* gladly repeat that pregnancy to have another baby. ;)

I was definitely in a "make it stop now!" phase (though I don't think I was polite enough to say please!). I kept sobbing that I could NOT do this (even though intellectually I knew that obviously I *could* make it through, emotionally it felt like I would die before the end). Seth kept saying yes you can and I wanted to call a lawyer for divorce papers. The charge nurse told me very firmly that I could do it, because I *was* doing it, and she kept reminding me to change my breathing. Somehow it was easier to stomach coming from her. ;)
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