Karen (estherchaya) wrote,
Karen
estherchaya

Moments in Motherhood

Julian_wacky_hair_funny_face_2
We're having a bit of a rocky time getting J's medication dosage set.  It's a fine line between hyperactivity and listlessness.  Frustrating, you know?  We don't want to lose the beautiful, full-of-life boy that we love so much, but we do want him to be able to control his world a little better than he had been before.   A fine line, you know.  Still, he's so yummy...  after all, who can pass up the opportunity to love this little boy!

He had a speech/language assessment this morning and apparently did very well with the therapist.  I don't know the results yet, but I'll keep you posted.  For all we're paying for it, it better be one thorough report, that's for sure.  He had a complete meltdown in the car as we were leaving and I felt terribly for him.  I wish I could do more to help him.  I fear that part of it is the medicine making him a little melancholy.  We might have to make another switch.  No one warned me about this part of motherhood.  The choices we make for our children.  The balancing act between helping them find control over their bodies, but keeping the happiness within.  I know we'll find the right answer.  I know we'll find the balance.  Right now it feels so out of reach, but I know in time it will feel within reach again.

Triplet_moms
Sunday I took two of the babies down to VA to meet up with Jessica and Pam and one of Pam's yummy triplets, Oliver.  Or was it Miles?  Or Linus?  Just kidding.  It was definitely Oliver.  Or Linus.  Or, um...  No, seriously. It was Oliver.  He was even wearing  a shirt that said "Oliver" on it.  A good time was had by all.  I brought Abby and Sam with me.  Jessica was sans children, which left her able to hold babies and feed them and love them and all sorts of good stuff.  We got lots of attention from other patrons at Starbuck's which is a bit ridiculous, don't you think?  Three women, three babies.  Doesn't that seem totally normal?  We told a few people that between the three of us, we actually have 12 children and that turned a few heads.  Imagine if we'd brought all 12 children with us!  Sheesh!

Ellie_scoffs_at_failure_to_thrive_4
Not to leave my other darling child out of the picture.  After I came home from meeting up with Pam and Jessica, Seth and I went out to the container store for the aforementioned trip to the Container Store (rock on!).  And then we came home to feed the babies dinner.  When I cleaned up the babies with a washcloth, I couldn't help but use the damp washcloth to give her the trademark mohawk!  So fun!  She's such a happy baby, and here she is.  Finally, we scoff at "failure to thrive" diagnoses!  She's healthy and beautiful and just... perfect.  We worked hard for this and I'm loving every second of it.

Does motherhood get anymore perfect than this?   Really?  I don't think it does.  I waited so long for moments like these, and I'm so grateful for every one of them.  Thank heaven for digital photography, so I can capture so many of these moments.  I wish I were better about capturing more of them.  I've missed so many of them already.

In other moments in motherhood, ones that I'd rather not live through... my nanny asked for a raise today.  She asked for a good enough reason... that is, her rent is going up exponentially, and she simply needs more money in order to be able to afford it, plus she's taken in her 5 year old niece just this week and will be taking care of her indefinitely (possibly forever) just as she's found out about needing to change apartments to the higher rent (her landlord has decided to sell her current place, so she's stuck moving - no choice).  Unfortunately, we honestly can't even afford her salary now.  We've paid her out of money that has come from random sources, like our tax refund, Seth's father's (small) estate,  etc.  But we don't know how we'll pay her once we're through with that (soon).  If we were to pay her any more than we are currently paying her, it would make more sense for me to just quit my job and stay home with the kids, but we can't afford for me to do that either.  We pay her more than any of the other neighborhood nannies are making (admittedly, none of the other neighborhood nannies are watching triplet infants).  Sigh.  I hate that money ever comes between people.  She did call me later and tell me not to worry about it and that she'd work something out and figure it out, that she loves these babies and that she doesn't want me to think that she's going anywhere, because she's not.  That reassures me, but I feel badly.  I wish I could give her the world, because I love her, but I can't. 

No one tells you about this part of motherhood, either.  The part where you become this attached to their caregiver, because you know that you're trusting this person with the most important things in the world - your children, and you know you want the best for them.
Tags: motherhood...at last
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