Karen (estherchaya) wrote,
Karen
estherchaya

Everyone's Schedule But My Own

The J-Man had an appointment with ye ol' Developmental Pediatrician this morning.  While there, we set up his new and improved morning routine schedule to be followed from here to eternity, like it or not.  So there.  This new schedule is a tool for us to use as part of the behavior management portion of managing J's ADHD.  We discussed with J the things which should be included on the schedule and the order in which things should be included as well.  Suffice it to say, it looks good on paper, but J is not going to be happy the first time (or, likely, the 20th time) this schedule gets put into place for real.  Nevertheless, we are told to remain firm and unwaivering in our enforcement of a consistent schedule. 

So this schedule is gold and stands above all else, including the triplets' schedule.  Gulp.    Do you know how hard I've worked to have a predictable schedule for the triplets in the morning?  To which the pediatrician smiled that devious little smile that boiled down to, "I know and that's irrelevant to this discussion."  For this exercise, he said, you will fit the triplets' schedule into J's schedule, not the other way around.  It's only fair, I suppose.  The J-man has had to work his way into their schedule for 9 months now, right?  It's about time that he gets to take precedence. 

Once we'd finished working out the schedule, Dr. S and I pulled out our calendars to set up our next appointment sans the J-man.  "What's that?" J asked, pointing to Dr. S's appointment book. 

"That's my schedule.  You have your schedule and I have mine, see?" Dr. S answered. 
"What's that?"  J asked, pointing at my appointment book.
"That's my schedule," I replied, but then I looked a little more closely.  "Or, rather, this is everyone else's schedule, which seems to dictate mine.  See?  Here's your appointment, and there's Abby and Ellie's physical therapy appointment, and there's Abba's staffing schedule and Abba's learning schedule, and there's your dentist appointment, and there's your playdate, and Sam & Abby, and Ellie's therapy appointment, and my physical, and ...  I guess my schedule is just pieces of everyone else's schedule fit together to make mine."

"So what works for you for follow up?" Dr. S. asked, peering at his own calendar. 
"I am at your disposal."
"No, seriously, tell me what works best for you."
"Well, mornings are best as early as possible, I suppose."

And so, we carved out our next meeting time and we were on our way.  We said goodbye to Frisky the Gerbil and made our way back to the car.  I pondered what it meant to not have a schedule of my own and I realized...  that's just what it is to be a mom and that's what I waited for all these years.

Tags: adhd, motherhood...at last
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