A month later, I was in the hospital afraid I was in labor all too soon. Later that day, I was getting my terbutaline pump set up, and I was helping my husband register the news that his father had died. It was one of the worst days of our lives, but thankfully, those babies stayed inside that day, and many days after.
Eleven months my husband has been saying Kaddish, and now he is done. It's hard to believe.
Meanwhile, Leah inspired me yesterday, though I'm not sure whether she intended to. But she made me realize that my I've been feeling overwhelmed by the simple act of making Shabbos dinner, and it's been intimidating me more than it should. So tonight, in honor of the fact that my husband is no longer saying Kaddish, we are having guests for Shabbos dinner. And last night I made baked gefilte fish, chicken, broccoli kugel, and sauteed summer squash. When I get home from work this afternoon, I'll make rice, tomato salad, and green salad and it will be a lovely Shabbos meal. Maybe not *quite* up to my former standard, but you know? I didn't used to be the mother of triplets plus one, so sometimes our standards have to evolve, right?
Time passes and life moves on. Eleven months ago I had no idea how happy I could be today. I had no idea how full my life would be and how capable I would feel.