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limited fertility? - Karen's Musings
Random Rambling
limited fertility?
A friend of mine has 3 kids: a 5 year old boy (conceived naturally), and one year old twin girls (conceived via IVF). She came over yesterday under the guise of bringing me some soup (she makes amazing soups, so I never turn her down when she offers soup) to tell me that she's expecting her (dear heavens!) fourth child in July. Conceived naturally. Complete and total "whoops, how did that happen?" baby. She, in fact, isn't even certain of the due date, because she wasn't paying attention to when she ovulated and besides, she's still nursing twins, so who woulda thunk it?

She was somewhat nervous about telling me, given that she went to the same fertility clinic that I go to and she knows how hard it all can be. I told her I really, for the most part, don't work that way. I don't believe there is a limited amount of fertility in this world. Just because another woman gets pregnant doesn't mean there's one less chance for me, right?

Wow, she said. "What a great attitude, because I know when I was going through Shady Hell, every time someone told me they were expecting, I just thought to myself: 'die, bitch, die!'" I almost fell over laughing. She's a very religious woman. Extremely intelligent. A doctor. Very logical. Rarely emotional. It was completely out of character, but oh-so-funny!


26 comments or Leave a comment
happyduck1979 From: happyduck1979 Date: January 14th, 2007 01:02 am (UTC) (Link)
Tee Hee. Love it!

Incadentally, my head agrees with you, my heart agrees with the pregnant bitch.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 14th, 2007 01:11 am (UTC) (Link)

Hearing someone's pregnancy news, admittedly, often gives me the "why not me" kind of pangs. But I don't begrudge anyone else's pregnancy, for the most part, particularly when it's someone who understands.
marag From: marag Date: January 14th, 2007 01:27 am (UTC) (Link)
When the woman getting pregnant was someone I thought really deserved a baby, I was mostly just happy for her. When I heard women saying, "Gee, I stopped taking the pills and I got pregnant the next month!" (::insert three brain cells hitting the inside of an empty skull here::) I was ready to kill her.

I totally understand the "die, bitch, die" feeling, though!
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 14th, 2007 01:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, I understand the feeling, of course. It's just not one I naturally conjure up at the mere mention of a pregnancy announcement.
allah_sulu From: allah_sulu Date: January 14th, 2007 02:40 am (UTC) (Link)
I totally understand the "die, bitch, die" feeling, though!

It's German. It means "the, bitch, the".
stone_ From: stone_ Date: January 14th, 2007 08:48 am (UTC) (Link)
Nobody who speaks German can be bad.
allah_sulu From: allah_sulu Date: January 14th, 2007 03:35 pm (UTC) (Link)


Step three:
From "bitch" drop the "t"
'Cause "bich" is Latin for "generosity"
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 14th, 2007 12:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
I've been snickering about this remark all night. Every time I woke up (a lot), I thought, "the, bitch, the!" Then I giggled and fell back to sleep. :)
ichur72 From: ichur72 Date: January 14th, 2007 03:24 am (UTC) (Link)
I got a big surprise last week -- I went to talk to somebody about a graphic design project that I have in the works, and we were chatting about random stuff on the way out. I have no memory of how this subject came up, but she said something about being told years ago that she could never have children. I'm sure I looked surprised because she has at least 5-6, bli ayin hara. Her next remark was, "We like Clomid. We like Clomid a lot." Which I thought was cute, but it *was* unexpected.
batya_d From: batya_d Date: January 14th, 2007 08:40 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh please Lord, let my RE prescribe me Clomid on Tuesday. I already have the "die bitch die" thing going on and I haven't been ttc nearly as long as many of you.

estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 14th, 2007 12:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's not any fun, no matter what stage you're at. When you want to get pregnant, you want to get pregnant NOW, and any delay is painful.

At any rate, if you've really got a large ovarian cyst right now, the RE probably will not prescribe Clomid immediately. I believe Clomid can aggravate cysts. But don't worry, the vast majority of fertility issues can be resolved relatively simply. We've just got an extremely high concentration of crazy infertiles here in my blog. I'm hoping for only good things for you on Tuesday.
(Deleted comment)
From: (Anonymous) Date: January 15th, 2007 12:51 am (UTC) (Link)
that's not the only reason Clomid use is limited. Some studies suggest a possible correlation between long-term Clomid use and an increased risk of ovarian cancer.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 15th, 2007 12:52 am (UTC) (Link)
that other comment was me.
ichur72 From: ichur72 Date: January 14th, 2007 06:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
You seem very cool -- do you mind if I add you? (Full disclosure: Before you say yea or nay, I should probably mention that it would not be unreasonable to describe me as the bitch in "die, bitch, die".)
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 14th, 2007 07:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
heh. Batya's cool. I like her a lot. :)
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 14th, 2007 12:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
If something as simple as Clomid helped her, I wonder why she would have been given dire news like "You can never have children." ?? Very odd. At any rate, I'm glad she found something that works for her (Clomid didn't help me).
ichur72 From: ichur72 Date: January 14th, 2007 01:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Maybe the timing was a factor? I think her oldest is at least 19, and I imagine the RE field wasn't where it is today back in the mid-'80s.

In any event, I wish you nothing but success on this front.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 14th, 2007 01:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
could be timing. Or an overzealous doctor. Science has come a long way, which is one of the reasons I'm extremely grateful to live in the age that I live in. I'm incredibly grateful for all of the available technology to help us achieve our dream.
bookworm1212 From: bookworm1212 Date: January 14th, 2007 08:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sounds like my friend who before her wedding knew about her PCOS and commented that she'd probably have fertility issues... and then got pg on her wedding night (or at least I would assume so - her first was born a mere 8-1/2 months after the wedding)
cleobatya From: cleobatya Date: January 14th, 2007 07:16 am (UTC) (Link)
lol. i keep having baby dreams. its weird b/c i totally feel the time clock ticking, which makes my whole dating/finding someone who i could love thing even more stressful and frusterating and scary (what if i have to settle?!)

but that was sorta my approach with jobs...there is a different path for everyone, so there was no reason to be jealous when one of my friends had a really easy time landing a 200,000 k job while i was struggling with the bar etc. their job didnt mean that i didnt get one, and there is definitely no fertility quota..
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 14th, 2007 12:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's funny, because I never had baby dreams until I got pregnant. Then I had very scary baby dreams. I'm wishing only the best for you. You deserve the very best.
hannahsarah From: hannahsarah Date: January 14th, 2007 08:48 am (UTC) (Link)
I love it! See, it's OK to be human. :)

I almost stole a baby at shul today. The mother was barely in her early 20's and she already had 5 kids. I'm thinking, if I take the little one she probably won't notice, and she can alway have more, right? I mean, she's got another 20 years to have kids. The baby was so sweet and soft and friendly, 9 months old, the perfect age to come home with me!

Damn father wouldn't let go of him. Grrrrrrr.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 14th, 2007 01:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't think it's inhuman of me not to get stark-raving-crazy at the mention of a pregnancy announcement. I certainly am not claiming that I never get a pang of "why not me?" upon hearing pregnancy announcements. But I also don't feel like hysterics will fix anything. Needless to say, I did think it was pretty hilarious when A related her mantra to us.

I'm very glad you've got your beautiful Rivka now.
hopeness From: hopeness Date: January 14th, 2007 03:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
I agree with your attitude. While I do have a momentary grr when I hear someone is pregnant, it is more that I am sad that it's not me and that I won't be conceiving a child the simple way. I can't hate the baby for coming into exisitence and I can't hate the mother, really, for wanting to have a child.

I think that's one of the hardest parts about infertility... there's no-one to hate, or be angry at, or blame.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 14th, 2007 03:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sure there is. I hate and blame myself often.
hopeness From: hopeness Date: January 14th, 2007 03:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
True. I used to feel that way until we got our diagnosis. I guess it depends on what the nature is of your infertility; I certainly can't hate or blame my partner for things beyond his control.
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