Karen (estherchaya) wrote,
Karen
estherchaya

  • Mood:

dealing

Thanks for everyone's kind thoughts in my last post. I'd respond to each and every one of them individually, but I'm not sure I have the emotional energy. So I will just say the following to all of you:

I'm really (oddly) okay. A few times today my eyes have welled up, but I'm really okay. I had five minutes of hysteria in the hospital when I realized I was having a miscarriage and by the time the doctor actually said the word, I was okay. Not in the "this doesn't hurt a bit" kind of okay, but okay as in I knew what was going on, I expected to hear the words, I wasn't surprised.

I'm a little annoyed because now everything's on hold, but that's part of life. And I'm ticked off because dammit, last week I saw actual fingers and toes on the ultrasound and there was a heartbeat. But on the other hand, I mean, really, do I wish I hadn't seen that? Not really. I just wish there'd been more.

But it happens. And hopefully there will be answers at some point. But it does happen. Hopefully just once, right?
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