I'm really (oddly) okay. A few times today my eyes have welled up, but I'm really okay. I had five minutes of hysteria in the hospital when I realized I was having a miscarriage and by the time the doctor actually said the word, I was okay. Not in the "this doesn't hurt a bit" kind of okay, but okay as in I knew what was going on, I expected to hear the words, I wasn't surprised.
I'm a little annoyed because now everything's on hold, but that's part of life. And I'm ticked off because dammit, last week I saw actual fingers and toes on the ultrasound and there was a heartbeat. But on the other hand, I mean, really, do I wish I hadn't seen that? Not really. I just wish there'd been more.
But it happens. And hopefully there will be answers at some point. But it does happen. Hopefully just once, right?