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My grandmother wasn't expected to make it through the night last… - Karen's Musings
Random Rambling
My grandmother wasn't expected to make it through the night last night. She did, but she's still not expected to make it more than a couple of days. She's been moved to ICU, but there's really nothing they can do.

I'm trying to figure out whether I should go out there today. My mother's flying out at 2 o'clock. She's not going to know I'm there. My mother will never come out and ask me to be there. So I just don't know. On the one hand, it's asking for a lot of frustration. On the other hand, it might mean something to my mother and grandfather. I just wish someone would actually tell me they do or don't want me there.

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26 comments or Leave a comment
marag From: marag Date: August 2nd, 2006 11:52 am (UTC) (Link)
::hugs:: My advice is to do what's best for you right now. If you're going to feel guilt over not being there, then go. If it's going to completely disrupt your life, don't go, especially if nobody will come right out and tell you to go.
gwiii From: gwiii Date: August 2nd, 2006 12:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
I want you to go there and be there for family. go now.
magid From: magid Date: August 2nd, 2006 12:17 pm (UTC) (Link)

Hard call; I'd think it would mean something to your mother and grandfather, though.
galads_forest From: galads_forest Date: August 2nd, 2006 12:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Go. When my grandmother was dying, my mother never let me go see her. I didn't put my foot down and insist so I didn't see her for the last 6 months of her life. I never got to say goodbye. It is something that I truly regret.
rlitterst From: rlitterst Date: August 2nd, 2006 12:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
From: stormkitten Date: August 2nd, 2006 12:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'd say go ahead and go, whether your mom wants you there or not. You have a need to say goodbye, too, and so does your grandmother. A lot of times, when people linger like that, it's because they have business unfinished or things that need to be said before they feel that they can let go.

Besides, we always regret more the things we didn't do than the things we did. Do it.
gnomi From: gnomi Date: August 2nd, 2006 12:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's a tough decision, indeed. I hope you find the answer that is most reasonable for you.
ichur72 From: ichur72 Date: August 2nd, 2006 12:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
I vote for going. Even if your mother never says anything, it may mean something to her.
mscongeniality From: mscongeniality Date: August 2nd, 2006 12:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
You need to decide for yourself if the frustration will be worth it. Your family will probably be glad to have you there, but it has to be something you're doing for yourself rather than something you're doing for them.

I don't know if this is your chance to say goodbye, or if letting go like that is something you've already done, but that should almost certainly factor into your decision. Also, from a purely practical standpoint, can you take the leave now, and if you do will you be able to stay through if there is a funeral.
From: gingy Date: August 2nd, 2006 01:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Please go. You will regret it if you do not try to say goodbye. If you need, I will come down and pick up Julian or whatever needs to be done.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: August 2nd, 2006 01:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's the thing. This isn't about my need to say goodbye, and it's not about my grandmother. I said goodbye to her in January when she was barely lucid enough to know I was in the room, knowing that I probably wouldn't see her again.

The question really is whether it will help my grandfather and mother for me to be there.
From: gingy Date: August 2nd, 2006 01:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am sure it will. Besides which, you don't want it to come back in your face later in an argument with your mother.
From: cecerose Date: August 2nd, 2006 03:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
The question really is whether it will help my grandfather and mother for me to be there.

It probably would -- you should go...

Hang in there.
leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: August 2nd, 2006 01:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Your mother may appreciate having you around. She might not be able to express it in her grief, but it's always nice to have support.

I know your grandmother isn't in a state to know that you're there..so if you do go, make sure it is for you and your relationship to your family.
cellio From: cellio Date: August 2nd, 2006 01:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
What she said. And {hugs}.
indigodove From: indigodove Date: August 2nd, 2006 03:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
That is what I was going to say, too. Your mother and grandfather may not say so, but I think they'd probably appreciate you being there for them.

*hugs* I'll be thinking of you & yours.
zis770 From: zis770 Date: August 2nd, 2006 01:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
also what's the worst that could happen if you do go? that you'll get the hint that you shouldn't be there? but you won't know if you don't go.

It sounds difficult though with your mother unable to tell you this.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: August 2nd, 2006 05:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's the traveling on Tisha B'Av that's really bothering me. At any rate, I'm going to see what flights are available tonight and work from there.
osewalrus From: osewalrus Date: August 2nd, 2006 01:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
If you decide to go, we are here to help with Julian and with Shabbos.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: August 2nd, 2006 03:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks; I'll let you know.
mindycl From: mindycl Date: August 2nd, 2006 02:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
all I can say is advance hugs, we're going through my grandfather's shiva right now as you know. Very tough.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: August 2nd, 2006 03:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh my gosh, I didn't realize, I'm so very far behind in LJ.
From: have_inner_lady Date: August 2nd, 2006 03:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
If you're really on the line, I suggest you go.

It would be easier to grumble off the frustration after the fact than to write off the regret of not going after the fact.

((Love to you.))
either_or From: either_or Date: August 2nd, 2006 07:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
i'm with all of the above. your family will find comfort in your presence.
glenbarnett From: glenbarnett Date: August 3rd, 2006 05:13 am (UTC) (Link)

Sorry to hear all this. Must be very difficult for you.
yeishlitikvah From: yeishlitikvah Date: August 3rd, 2006 04:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
26 comments or Leave a comment