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Julian - Karen's Musings
Random Rambling
When I left this morning, Julian was having a meltdown. Gina was going to give him Ibuprofen...I left before that horror started. He was MAD, MAD, MAD about something. He wouldn't even give me a hug. He ALWAYS gives me a hug. Fortunately for Gina, he's calmed down.

They went to Gymboree for Julian's Gym Runners class today. Apparently they had a good time. While there, Gina peeked in on one of the music classes they had. I had given Gina a check to upgrade his Gym Runners class to unlimited classes instead of once a week. But she really liked the music class and thought it would be great for Julian to go to that. So for $20 more than the upgrade would have been, we signed him up for the music class instead. Now he'll have Gym Runners Wednesdays at 9:30 and "Half Notes" Thursdays at 9:30. Yay!

I am so excited that Julian is getting some organized play time, though I'm a little sad that I'm not experiencing it with him. :( I know that he's in good hands, and I know that this is the life that I chose. More importantly, being a full-time stay-at-home-mom is appealing, but I also think I'd have a nervous breakdown after a month of it. And I may be giving myself a little too much credit thinking I'd get through a month of it. Furthermore, it is simply unrealistic. We can no longer afford for me to not work. It's the joy of finally being paid what I'm worth. When I was underpaid, it wouldn't have been such a hit if I'd stopped working. So it's slightly bittersweet.

Please don't get me wrong. I love working. I love my work. I love my company. I love my client. I don't want to give up being a professional. I enjoy being a professional and I enjoy my field. So this momentary feeling of loss at not being with Julian at Gymboree is normal, but not a sign that I'm ready to quit my job. I'm not. If I were a SAHM, I'd feel the same sense of loss about not working. It's one of those "grass is greener" things. Ideally, I'll eventually position myself with a little more flexibility so that I COULD be home once in a while to spend day time with Julian for these activities. And that will happen eventually.

Current Mood: cheerful cheerful

12 comments or Leave a comment
cleobatya From: cleobatya Date: May 18th, 2005 04:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
did youconsider part timing?
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: May 18th, 2005 06:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
yeah. Aside from not being able to afford it, I'm not really at a point in my career where that's possible in my field. And though I could do six month contracts with breaks in between, right now we need the financial stability of me having guaranteed full time work. Our mortgage is killing us!
leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: May 18th, 2005 11:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think I would really like to stay at home. I am conflicted, though. I don't want "mommy brain"...but there may not be a way to avoid it. I hope once she is here Joel will agree to me falling off the career track for a time. We have few bills outside the normal ones everyone has, including mortgage. I dunno. I am torn.
From: gittygiggles Date: May 18th, 2005 06:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
i got inspired:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: May 18th, 2005 06:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
awwww. How cute! :) Thanks!
From: gittygiggles Date: May 18th, 2005 06:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
i hope it's not too big. i got a creative urge. now i'm feeling better
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: May 18th, 2005 06:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
Doh! The file is 1KB too large to make an icon. :(
From: gittygiggles Date: May 18th, 2005 07:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
i'll try soemthing simpler

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
hopeness From: hopeness Date: May 18th, 2005 06:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think you're very smart to know what is going to work best for you, and not giving into some ideal that might not be the reality.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: May 18th, 2005 06:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
well thank you. :)
eyelid From: eyelid Date: May 18th, 2005 08:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
It really bothers me that we are forced to choose between a career and spending time with our families.

It's one of the reasons I'm an active feminist.
From: lola100 Date: May 19th, 2005 01:26 am (UTC) (Link)
I know exactly how you feel. Right now I am getting laid off, and a lot of people say I should just stop working. Well, first of all, I CAN'T. It's amazing how much it costs to have a family of four (especially when 2 of them are in Bais Yaakovs). But besides for that, I think I would go crazy being home all the time. Right now I am home twice a week and it's great. But more than that? I think I would miss work too. I like what I do. SIGH.
12 comments or Leave a comment