Karen (estherchaya) wrote,
Karen
estherchaya

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Julian

When I left this morning, Julian was having a meltdown. Gina was going to give him Ibuprofen...I left before that horror started. He was MAD, MAD, MAD about something. He wouldn't even give me a hug. He ALWAYS gives me a hug. Fortunately for Gina, he's calmed down.

They went to Gymboree for Julian's Gym Runners class today. Apparently they had a good time. While there, Gina peeked in on one of the music classes they had. I had given Gina a check to upgrade his Gym Runners class to unlimited classes instead of once a week. But she really liked the music class and thought it would be great for Julian to go to that. So for $20 more than the upgrade would have been, we signed him up for the music class instead. Now he'll have Gym Runners Wednesdays at 9:30 and "Half Notes" Thursdays at 9:30. Yay!

I am so excited that Julian is getting some organized play time, though I'm a little sad that I'm not experiencing it with him. :( I know that he's in good hands, and I know that this is the life that I chose. More importantly, being a full-time stay-at-home-mom is appealing, but I also think I'd have a nervous breakdown after a month of it. And I may be giving myself a little too much credit thinking I'd get through a month of it. Furthermore, it is simply unrealistic. We can no longer afford for me to not work. It's the joy of finally being paid what I'm worth. When I was underpaid, it wouldn't have been such a hit if I'd stopped working. So it's slightly bittersweet.

Please don't get me wrong. I love working. I love my work. I love my company. I love my client. I don't want to give up being a professional. I enjoy being a professional and I enjoy my field. So this momentary feeling of loss at not being with Julian at Gymboree is normal, but not a sign that I'm ready to quit my job. I'm not. If I were a SAHM, I'd feel the same sense of loss about not working. It's one of those "grass is greener" things. Ideally, I'll eventually position myself with a little more flexibility so that I COULD be home once in a while to spend day time with Julian for these activities. And that will happen eventually.
Tags: julian
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