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And that's why I'm friends with you. Because you aren't horrible. And I don't mean to knock on all frum people.
The fact is that the community I live in is NOT judgmental. There is a huge mishmosh of practices. Hat wearers, snood wearers, sheitel wearers, sheitel WITH hat wearers, fall wearers, people who wear hats during the week and sheitels on shabbos, people who wear hats on shabbos and nothing during the week. People who wear slits in their skirts, people who don't, people who wear open toed shoes, people who don't, people who wear denim, people who don't. And they're all people. They're all good, pious Jews. They all know more about frumkeit than I could ever hope to know. And I will not judge them based on what I can see in front of me.
In recent months, I've become very frustrated with frumkeit in general. Outside my community all I hear are "my frumkeit is holier than your frumkeit" type arguments and it makes me sick. Seriously sick. It stresses me out, it gives me headaches, it makes me sad. I'm tired of taking it all so personally. And I'd love to flip that switch that makes me not take it personally, but when I then have women turn around and tell me that if I were more solid in my frumkeit, Hashem would enable me to become pregnant, it's kind of hard to not take personally.
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Er... I've been to shul once since Purim!
*gasp* You're tall AND thin! Drat! I am neither, as the pictures of me evidenced. ;)
A friend of mine makes appointments for one of the local mikvaot. She needed someone to fill in one week and I did it. Of course, the next day she said, "So... have you ever thought about maybe doing this regularly? Hint, hint." Supposedly, it was just until a couple women got back from having recently had babies. But, well, that was 9 or 10 months ago... I actually didn't want to be a mikveh lady because I feel like the first person you touch when you get out of the mikveh should have unreproachable yiddishkeit. I'm not even close to that. I do a lot of things because I'm "supposed" to without really knowing why anymore. That same friend told me that whether I feel it right now or not, the thing that keeps me doing it for now is Hashem. Not that I'm disagreeing with her, but it still seems like I'm not the best candidate to be a mikveh lady.
Interestingly, the criteria for that particular mikveh to be an attendant is that you have to cover your hair in public. (okay, and be Jewish and married and stuff, but the litmus test they use is hair covering...and it doesn't matter if it's a hat, snood, sheitel, tichel, some hair showing, all hair covered, whatever, as long as it's covered in some way)
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