October 10th, 2006

Family May 2012

closing a chapter

Sometime around 6pm on Monday (yesterday) I had a miscarriage in the emergency room after hours of horrifying contractions and such. Around 10pm, I had an emergency D&C. And that's that. I'd say more, but there really isn't that much to say. Plus, I'm exhausted and I really need to get to sleep.
angry frog


Thanks for everyone's kind thoughts in my last post. I'd respond to each and every one of them individually, but I'm not sure I have the emotional energy. So I will just say the following to all of you:

I'm really (oddly) okay. A few times today my eyes have welled up, but I'm really okay. I had five minutes of hysteria in the hospital when I realized I was having a miscarriage and by the time the doctor actually said the word, I was okay. Not in the "this doesn't hurt a bit" kind of okay, but okay as in I knew what was going on, I expected to hear the words, I wasn't surprised.

I'm a little annoyed because now everything's on hold, but that's part of life. And I'm ticked off because dammit, last week I saw actual fingers and toes on the ultrasound and there was a heartbeat. But on the other hand, I mean, really, do I wish I hadn't seen that? Not really. I just wish there'd been more.

But it happens. And hopefully there will be answers at some point. But it does happen. Hopefully just once, right?
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