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Moments in Motherhood - Karen's Musings
Random Rambling
estherchaya
estherchaya
Moments in Motherhood
Julian_wacky_hair_funny_face_2
We're having a bit of a rocky time getting J's medication dosage set.  It's a fine line between hyperactivity and listlessness.  Frustrating, you know?  We don't want to lose the beautiful, full-of-life boy that we love so much, but we do want him to be able to control his world a little better than he had been before.   A fine line, you know.  Still, he's so yummy...  after all, who can pass up the opportunity to love this little boy!

He had a speech/language assessment this morning and apparently did very well with the therapist.  I don't know the results yet, but I'll keep you posted.  For all we're paying for it, it better be one thorough report, that's for sure.  He had a complete meltdown in the car as we were leaving and I felt terribly for him.  I wish I could do more to help him.  I fear that part of it is the medicine making him a little melancholy.  We might have to make another switch.  No one warned me about this part of motherhood.  The choices we make for our children.  The balancing act between helping them find control over their bodies, but keeping the happiness within.  I know we'll find the right answer.  I know we'll find the balance.  Right now it feels so out of reach, but I know in time it will feel within reach again.

Triplet_moms
Sunday I took two of the babies down to VA to meet up with Jessica and Pam and one of Pam's yummy triplets, Oliver.  Or was it Miles?  Or Linus?  Just kidding.  It was definitely Oliver.  Or Linus.  Or, um...  No, seriously. It was Oliver.  He was even wearing  a shirt that said "Oliver" on it.  A good time was had by all.  I brought Abby and Sam with me.  Jessica was sans children, which left her able to hold babies and feed them and love them and all sorts of good stuff.  We got lots of attention from other patrons at Starbuck's which is a bit ridiculous, don't you think?  Three women, three babies.  Doesn't that seem totally normal?  We told a few people that between the three of us, we actually have 12 children and that turned a few heads.  Imagine if we'd brought all 12 children with us!  Sheesh!

Ellie_scoffs_at_failure_to_thrive_4
Not to leave my other darling child out of the picture.  After I came home from meeting up with Pam and Jessica, Seth and I went out to the container store for the aforementioned trip to the Container Store (rock on!).  And then we came home to feed the babies dinner.  When I cleaned up the babies with a washcloth, I couldn't help but use the damp washcloth to give her the trademark mohawk!  So fun!  She's such a happy baby, and here she is.  Finally, we scoff at "failure to thrive" diagnoses!  She's healthy and beautiful and just... perfect.  We worked hard for this and I'm loving every second of it.

Does motherhood get anymore perfect than this?   Really?  I don't think it does.  I waited so long for moments like these, and I'm so grateful for every one of them.  Thank heaven for digital photography, so I can capture so many of these moments.  I wish I were better about capturing more of them.  I've missed so many of them already.

In other moments in motherhood, ones that I'd rather not live through... my nanny asked for a raise today.  She asked for a good enough reason... that is, her rent is going up exponentially, and she simply needs more money in order to be able to afford it, plus she's taken in her 5 year old niece just this week and will be taking care of her indefinitely (possibly forever) just as she's found out about needing to change apartments to the higher rent (her landlord has decided to sell her current place, so she's stuck moving - no choice).  Unfortunately, we honestly can't even afford her salary now.  We've paid her out of money that has come from random sources, like our tax refund, Seth's father's (small) estate,  etc.  But we don't know how we'll pay her once we're through with that (soon).  If we were to pay her any more than we are currently paying her, it would make more sense for me to just quit my job and stay home with the kids, but we can't afford for me to do that either.  We pay her more than any of the other neighborhood nannies are making (admittedly, none of the other neighborhood nannies are watching triplet infants).  Sigh.  I hate that money ever comes between people.  She did call me later and tell me not to worry about it and that she'd work something out and figure it out, that she loves these babies and that she doesn't want me to think that she's going anywhere, because she's not.  That reassures me, but I feel badly.  I wish I could give her the world, because I love her, but I can't. 

No one tells you about this part of motherhood, either.  The part where you become this attached to their caregiver, because you know that you're trusting this person with the most important things in the world - your children, and you know you want the best for them.

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Comments
alexisbean From: alexisbean Date: July 29th, 2008 09:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sorry to hear things are stressful(more than the usual parenting stuff) right now. It a shame that your nanny has to go though this too given the other stuff she's had recently too. Sounds like you and your kids are lucky to have her.

I'm going to send you an e-mail later about something you might want to try, but I have to look up some info first.

By the way...that Mohawk is adorable!! Failure to thrive my a...er tushie!!
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 12:33 am (UTC) (Link)
I am awaiting your email with baited breath...
alexisbean From: alexisbean Date: July 30th, 2008 02:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Hehehe you're too funny!! gmail isnt working right now...hmmmm...and I thought I could link to an e-mail from here but apparently I'm wrong. Okay I'll try later.

Edited at 2008-07-30 02:15 am (UTC)
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 02:17 am (UTC) (Link)
okey dokey. I'll sit around waiting... and waiting... and waiting...
yeishlitikvah From: yeishlitikvah Date: July 29th, 2008 09:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
wow what a plentiful update.

J
In terms of working out the kinks in terms of the dosage, and also letting him know it's ok for lack of a better word to have a freak out every so often because it is sooooo overwhelming. COming from the special ed perspective, you should be glad he had the meltdown after the eval, because if he become frustrated/overwhelmed/tantrumed/shutdown your money on the eval would have been not used to it's fullest.
YOu need to be supportive of these frustations and also help him to find an appropriate and constructive way to cope and express himself. WHether it's an activity or him saying emma I need to scream, or even cry.


I love Ellie's mohawk.

That's rough about the Nanny. I hope it all works out. COnsidering what a rough few months she has had personally, with the loss of her sister. It says something that she called you back to say 'don't worry about it', it shows she was uncomfortable even asking even though it wasn't a choice but rahter due to her circumstances.

At what point will you place the kidlets in daycare/nursery? ie age. is it a money issue in your area or is it an issue of room enrollment.


estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 12:38 am (UTC) (Link)
I will not send them to daycare at all. I will send them to preschool when they are three, which will still give them three years of preschool, because they have a mid-September birthday (you have to be 5 by September 1 to go to Kindergarten around here).

There is no advantage to daycare vs. the nanny and many advantages to the nanny over daycare. The nanny is better, more individualized care for my children, I don't have to pack them up and bring them someplace every day, I don't have to live by someone else's rules or worry about kashrus issues in a non-kosher center, I hired someone who could work the hours I wanted, rather than having to bend my hours around a daycare center's hours. Finding three infant spots in the same daycare would be next to impossible, but even if I did, as much as I'm paying a nanny, I'd be paying even more for three spots in a daycare (if it were two spots, the nanny would be more expensive - three is the breaking point).
yeishlitikvah From: yeishlitikvah Date: July 30th, 2008 02:29 am (UTC) (Link)
It's funny I posted my question, not thinking clearly. WHere I work I'm technically a daycare employee/teacher, and I know what the monthly rate is for 5 full days in NY.

It's none of my business the rate you compensate your Nanny. But if you were to send to my school it would be about 3K a month plus the JCC membership, and you might if your lucky get a miniscule amount off for more than one child.

I think I just prove your point. ANd by having more than one you'll never have to worry about socialization. I see the children who are only children who have been home solely w/mommy or caregiver who have no interactive skills at the age of 2 or 3.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 03:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
We pay our nanny a fair bit of money, but it wouldn't be any cheaper to go to day care. Nor do we need the socialization, as you point out. Even with just one kid, all the nannies in the neighborhood meet up at the park every day with the kids, so they're being well-socialized by default.
kalki From: kalki Date: July 29th, 2008 10:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
OMG, I know her from The Nest!!! And that she brought Oliver. How SMALL the world is!!!!
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 03:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
What's The Nest?
osewalrus From: osewalrus Date: July 29th, 2008 11:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
You graciously did not mention how osewalrus made life difficult by forgetting to return your booster seat and how he is really, really, really sorry.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 12:32 am (UTC) (Link)
Meh. I got to J's appointment on time. That's all that matters. J still fits into the biggest of his car seats, and I fortunately still had one in the garage, accessible to me. Not a big deal.
rlitterst From: rlitterst Date: July 30th, 2008 01:07 am (UTC) (Link)
"Does motherhood get anymore perfect than this? Really? I don't think it does. I waited so long for moments like these, and I'm so grateful for every one of them."

I so agree with you! Life's grand, isn't it? :-D
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 03:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
indeed
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: July 30th, 2008 12:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
that is a scary situation. i know this is going to sound weird, but what if you were to make your basement an apt and let the nanny live there? or something? her 5 year old could have a yard.

i wanted to ask you about j. i'm worried about levi being the same way. can you describe what j was like at around 3.5?
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 02:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
We don't have room to do that for her. Seth and I live in the basement, as do the babies. Julian is upstairs and the office/guest room is also upstairs. Even if we eliminated the office/guest room (which we really can't do, because where would we put Seth's desk which is where we put all the bill-paying stuff), we'd still be a bedroom short upstairs if we tried to move everyone upstairs. We can't squeeze all four kids into one bedroom (they're small).

As for J, this isn't really the right place for me to get into it. Kids in general with ADHD are described as "bouncing off walls," "driven as if by a motor," "in constant motion," "easily distractible," "impulsive," "distractible," and/or "hyperactive" as children among other symptoms. There is a plethora of information available on the internet, but a lot of it is crap. I specifically recommend this website: http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: July 30th, 2008 05:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
so your house is officially 2 bedrooms with a finished basement?
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 05:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
There's a third bedroom in the basement, so I don't know how you want to classify it. I don't think of it the way you're trying to think of it. I just think of it as my house.
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: July 30th, 2008 05:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
that's the way most people think of their houses. i'm just trying to get a mental picture. the houses in silver spring confuse me though bc the ones i've been in are split levels and those confuse me if they're more then 3 stories
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 05:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is not a split level. It's a cape cod.

It has two bedrooms on the main level.

And a basement with two rooms (my bedroom and the babies' room), a storage room, a laundry room, a utility room (where the furnace, etc. is), and a bathroom.

There is also a walk-up attic.

It sounds large when I'm describing it like this, but it is not large. It is less than 1500 square feet
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: July 30th, 2008 05:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
wow! that's not much bigger then my house! and with 4 kids! i bet there are less stairs? i'm still having issues picturing it. i'm bad with that. i need a floor plan!

is your attic usable?
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 05:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
There's one set of stairs between the basement and the main level. (There's also a set of stairs from the driveway up to the main level, because the main level is up a level from the street level... the basement is actually on the street level... my house is dug into a hill)

The attic is not living space, but it's ALL storage space, which helps.
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: July 31st, 2008 08:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
our attic is storage too but i'm afraid to go in it. maybe one day we'll finish it if we stay in this hell....er.....house
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 31st, 2008 08:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Our attic is different from the typical attic in that it's a walk-up attic with an actual set of stairs and a real floor, not just beams. It's a great space up there, just not living space, since there's no heating/AC or, you know, walls.
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: July 31st, 2008 08:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
ours is also. we have a door in the extra bedroom that has stairs. it COULD be very nice. but we'd have to get space heaters and a window unit. and the contractor we last had look at it said it'd be a huge fire hazard. plus i dont want to live here for that long...
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 05:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
you could even argue a fourth bedroom in the basement, but the two bedrooms down there are separated only by a door, not a hallway, so it's a difficult argument to make. Right now they are my bedroom and the babies' room.
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: July 30th, 2008 05:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
so it's 2 bedrooms but one of them is like a sitting room for the first one?
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 05:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
well, sort of, but they're the same size room, so it's hard to call one a sitting room, since a sitting room would typically be a smaller room off of a main room. It used to be one big room, and someone put a wall in between the two and a door in that wall. Does that make more sense?
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: July 30th, 2008 05:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
yeah i getcha. makes perfect sense. if need be, could you put a door to the outside? like so you dont have to go through your room to get to the kids room?
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 30th, 2008 05:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
You don't have to go through my room to get to the kids' room and vice versa. When you come down the stairs, if you turn right you go into the nursery. But if you wind around you can go through the storeroom and around to my bedroom through the other side.
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