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Everyone's Schedule But My Own - Karen's Musings
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estherchaya
estherchaya
Everyone's Schedule But My Own

The J-Man had an appointment with ye ol' Developmental Pediatrician this morning.  While there, we set up his new and improved morning routine schedule to be followed from here to eternity, like it or not.  So there.  This new schedule is a tool for us to use as part of the behavior management portion of managing J's ADHD.  We discussed with J the things which should be included on the schedule and the order in which things should be included as well.  Suffice it to say, it looks good on paper, but J is not going to be happy the first time (or, likely, the 20th time) this schedule gets put into place for real.  Nevertheless, we are told to remain firm and unwaivering in our enforcement of a consistent schedule. 

So this schedule is gold and stands above all else, including the triplets' schedule.  Gulp.    Do you know how hard I've worked to have a predictable schedule for the triplets in the morning?  To which the pediatrician smiled that devious little smile that boiled down to, "I know and that's irrelevant to this discussion."  For this exercise, he said, you will fit the triplets' schedule into J's schedule, not the other way around.  It's only fair, I suppose.  The J-man has had to work his way into their schedule for 9 months now, right?  It's about time that he gets to take precedence. 

Once we'd finished working out the schedule, Dr. S and I pulled out our calendars to set up our next appointment sans the J-man.  "What's that?" J asked, pointing to Dr. S's appointment book. 

"That's my schedule.  You have your schedule and I have mine, see?" Dr. S answered. 
"What's that?"  J asked, pointing at my appointment book.
"That's my schedule," I replied, but then I looked a little more closely.  "Or, rather, this is everyone else's schedule, which seems to dictate mine.  See?  Here's your appointment, and there's Abby and Ellie's physical therapy appointment, and there's Abba's staffing schedule and Abba's learning schedule, and there's your dentist appointment, and there's your playdate, and Sam & Abby, and Ellie's therapy appointment, and my physical, and ...  I guess my schedule is just pieces of everyone else's schedule fit together to make mine."

"So what works for you for follow up?" Dr. S. asked, peering at his own calendar. 
"I am at your disposal."
"No, seriously, tell me what works best for you."
"Well, mornings are best as early as possible, I suppose."

And so, we carved out our next meeting time and we were on our way.  We said goodbye to Frisky the Gerbil and made our way back to the car.  I pondered what it meant to not have a schedule of my own and I realized...  that's just what it is to be a mom and that's what I waited for all these years.

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Comments
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: July 2nd, 2008 06:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
oo! they have a gerbil!

ok i did read the whole post but that's the part i noticed first. i'ma geek

what is his schedule like?
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 2nd, 2008 06:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't have it in front of me, but if I remember correctly, his morning routine is now:

1. Get up
2. No milk until breakfast time (this is a change. He used to have a cup of milk right away, this will be the first break down point of the day and it isn't going to be pretty)
3. Pick out clothes
4. Get dressed
5. Use Bathroom (J was adamant that he would not do so before getting dressed, even though this flies in the face of logic)
6. Eat breakfast
7. Brush Teeth
8. Choice: TV or Books
9. Shoes
10. Go at 8AM
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: July 2nd, 2008 06:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
wow. what time are you getting up?

you're smart to do breakfast and then teeth. i'm not that organized
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 2nd, 2008 06:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
We get up at 5, Julian gets up around 6 or 6:30.
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: July 2nd, 2008 06:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
wow. i forget what baby time is like.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 2nd, 2008 06:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
it's not JUST baby time, it's also getting out the door to get J to school and us to work time.
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: July 3rd, 2008 12:26 am (UTC) (Link)
i know about gwetting up and out the door, but you have twice as many as i do and i have a hard enough time as it is!
mindycl From: mindycl Date: July 2nd, 2008 06:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
whats wrong with a cup of milk when he gets up?

btw SM used to have an apple juice bottle every single morning and I quietly phased it out by just ignoring it. he'd come into my bed for a snuggle and bottle, but I just take his diaper right off and put him on the potty with a toy and just ignore the whole bottle issue. he no longer drinks in the morning at all before the schoolbus, which has really helped cut down his accidents. bh.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: July 2nd, 2008 06:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Doc said he shouldn't have anything until he's ready to sit at the table and have breakfast. It makes some kind of sense, because J does use it as a total stall tactic, so I'm just as happy to get rid of it. It was a bad habit we got into when I was on bed rest. As was TV first thing in the morning. Now we've moved TV until after he's completely ready to leave (except shoes, which are the last thing before leaving).

As for quietly phasing it out, the doc told J flat out that there will be no more milk first thing, so there's no quietly phasing it out. We're just done. And I'm okay with that. Fortunately, it's never caused J to have accidents, but then, J was much, MUCH older when he was potty-trained, so that's not surprising. I don't give J juice for the most part, except sometimes juice boxes in his lunch at school, for convenience's sake.
hap_e From: hap_e Date: July 2nd, 2008 08:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
You’ve been strong and doing great with 4 kids in the family!
Just keep it up . . . obstacles come and go . . . .
Once J is treated completely – it will be easier for you to handle the family. He’ll be of bigger help.
Stay positive and think how much you’ve done by now……. – just a minor change of routine shouldn’t discourage you!

Everything will be fine.
I believe so.

rlitterst From: rlitterst Date: July 3rd, 2008 03:00 am (UTC) (Link)
"...that's just what it is to be a mom and that's what I waited for all these years."

There have been many instances over the last 14 months in which I've come to that realization too. Blessings abound!

yeishlitikvah From: yeishlitikvah Date: July 3rd, 2008 05:13 am (UTC) (Link)
that's really great:

that your doctor wants to fit into your schedule not the other way around

and

you used the opportunity to show julian, that your not just schleping a book about, but that your using it to make time for everyone in your life

I also like that your doctor said- NO- you need to schedule the babies around J. I agree with you it will be good for him to once again be a bigger focus.
tellinellen From: tellinellen Date: July 13th, 2008 02:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
hi! i'm writing to you because you're on the friendslist of introducingyael (formerly bluejeanjexy). i'd like to get a gift for her from lj friends who are interested in chipping in. i know what she needs and i am working on wheeling and dealing to get it. i just want a sense of who would put in and how much, but i won't collect any money until i've already spent it. i know she really wants a bugaboo bee stroller which would work for moo and/or for the grape and would fold well for her building. please let me know if you're interested and how much you'd like to put in. my email address is ellen.sande@gmail.com. apologies if you get this message more than once.

thanks!

ellen
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