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Time Passes - Karen's Musings
Random Rambling
estherchaya
estherchaya
Time Passes
Yesterday evening, Seth went to shul to say Kaddish (the mourner's prayer) for his father at Mincha (the afternoon prayer service). At Ma'ariv (the evening service, which follows Mincha), Seth was no longer obligated to say Kaddish (though he'll still say it on the yarzheit, of course). Eleven months have passed since his father died last summer. Eleven months ago I was about to go on full bed rest trying to keep contractions at bay, trying to keep my shortening cervix from giving out. Eleven months ago I wasn't sure whether all three of my babies would make it into the world, let alone healthy and thriving. Eleven months ago, we didn't know that my father in law would never meet his grandchildren. Eleven months ago I didn't realize how quickly time would pass.

A month later, I was in the hospital afraid I was in labor all too soon. Later that day, I was getting my terbutaline pump set up, and I was helping my husband register the news that his father had died. It was one of the worst days of our lives, but thankfully, those babies stayed inside that day, and many days after.

Eleven months my husband has been saying Kaddish, and now he is done. It's hard to believe.

Meanwhile, Leah inspired me yesterday, though I'm not sure whether she intended to. But she made me realize that my I've been feeling overwhelmed by the simple act of making Shabbos dinner, and it's been intimidating me more than it should. So tonight, in honor of the fact that my husband is no longer saying Kaddish, we are having guests for Shabbos dinner. And last night I made baked gefilte fish, chicken, broccoli kugel, and sauteed summer squash. When I get home from work this afternoon, I'll make rice, tomato salad, and green salad and it will be a lovely Shabbos meal. Maybe not *quite* up to my former standard, but you know? I didn't used to be the mother of triplets plus one, so sometimes our standards have to evolve, right?

Time passes and life moves on. Eleven months ago I had no idea how happy I could be today. I had no idea how full my life would be and how capable I would feel.

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From: cecerose Date: June 13th, 2008 02:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Time passes and life moves on. Eleven months ago I had no idea how happy I could be today. I had no idea how full my life would be and how capable I would feel.

It's a lovely realization, isn't it? Seeing how full and rich your life is. To be that aware, even for moment, it's a gift!

estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: June 13th, 2008 04:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's a gift my children have given me, to be honest. I'm not sure I'd have been capable of it otherwise.
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: June 13th, 2008 02:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
you have been making such beautiful posts lately! even your frustrated posts are beautiful :) always a pleasure to read!

it's amazing how quickly time goes. it seems to go so slow. but then when you look back, it went so fast.

i still can't believe that i'm as old as i am (and yes i know i'm not that old, but still)
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: June 13th, 2008 04:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. I don't post often anymore, but hey, at least they're meaningful, right? :)

You're just a young whippersnapper to me!
(Deleted comment)
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: June 14th, 2008 07:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
oh please. you're only what, 6 years older?
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: June 17th, 2008 02:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
OMG. Am I SIX years older than you?
journeytoernie From: journeytoernie Date: June 17th, 2008 10:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
i think so. right? i'm 26. and you're 2 years older than dan...and dan's turning 30....

am i doing the math right?
happyduck1979 From: happyduck1979 Date: June 13th, 2008 03:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
What a lovely post.

Yashar Koah.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: June 13th, 2008 04:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
aw, shucks...

thanks.
kalki From: kalki Date: June 13th, 2008 03:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
this post resonated deep in my soul.

*hugs*
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: June 13th, 2008 04:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
thanks. I'm sorry I've been away from LJ, but I do think of you. I'm glad to see that you're still doing well. You're halfway there and you look great!
kalki From: kalki Date: June 13th, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
awww, thanks hon. I know how busy you are. I can't believe I'm more than halfway! You give me hope that I can do this :)
From: (Anonymous) Date: June 13th, 2008 05:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
I really enjoy your style of writing and your inspirations . . .
they are so simple, but deep and close to one's heart! :)


Thanks!

and also thanks for introducing me to my local community Moms of Multiples. It's wonderful!





ps: I found out recently that my triplets are all boys :)



hap_e From: hap_e Date: June 16th, 2008 05:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ups . . .

i've just noticed that my post appeared as "anonymous" ;)
- i don't know why :o
From: (Anonymous) Date: June 17th, 2008 01:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's okay, I knew it was you. Congrats on finding out you're having three boys. We didn't know ahead of time what we were having.
hopeness From: hopeness Date: June 13th, 2008 06:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
And you continue to inspire me, and give me hope. Really and truly.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: June 17th, 2008 01:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
thanks. I haven't been reading LJ at all. What's going on with you guys? You can email me directly if you'd rather not say here. karen_cohen [at] comcast [dot] net
From: have_inner_lady Date: June 13th, 2008 06:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is just beautiful.

I'm so glad you continue to find more happiness, even amid the stress and busy times.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: June 17th, 2008 01:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Most days are good days. That's important; the ratio of good days to slightly less than good days should remain heavily on the good side.

How are things with you? I haven't been keeping up with LJ AT ALL.
From: have_inner_lady Date: June 17th, 2008 01:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm under stress. My happiness is a sine wave. But I'm trying to hold on to the good things, the DONE things, while I work on pushing us through the next changes.

Once this house sells and we can move on, I think I will be in much better emotional condition.
real_bethy From: real_bethy Date: June 13th, 2008 07:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
May you always know days full of joy, peace and love!

And may Seth's father's memory be for a blessing.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: June 17th, 2008 01:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you.
hipstamom From: hipstamom Date: June 13th, 2008 11:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
This gives me great strength believe it or not.

(((HUGS)))
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: June 17th, 2008 01:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad to know that.
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