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Fun in Karen Land - Karen's Musings
Random Rambling
estherchaya
estherchaya
Fun in Karen Land
I spent most of last week not able to keep down any food. I could handle that since I wasn't particularly hungry anyway, but when I stopped being able to keep fluids down, I was getting a little worried. Couple that with some pretty intense pain, a couple phone calls to my doctor, and a conversation with a friend who is an ER physician who said, "get thee to the ER NOW"... I ended up going to the emergency room at 4pm on Friday afternoon. I was there until 1am.

I'm fine. They gave me dilautid (sp?) for the pain (oh sweet joy!), zofran for the nausea (oh sweet joy!) and IV Fluids (boring). They did an ultrasound to make sure everything was fine from the D&C and it was, so home I went. The biggest pain in the neck was that they literally forgot about me. Twice. I sat in the waiting room for three and a half hours, before a friend of mine who had come down threw a fit. Then they took me back to a room and they left me sitting outside the room for an hour before they remembered me (shift change). So four and a half hours of waiting before they even looked at me, and then I got an IV, happy drugs, and waited some more. And then they took me for an ultrasound, I came back, Jo was waiting for me (thanks, Jo!) and we waited some more. They gave me more drugs, and then they said the ultrasound was normal, and they sent me on my way with prescriptions for fenergan (sp?) and percocet. A lovely way to spend Shemini Atzeret.

Once I got my cramping under control, I could tell where the truly accute pain was coming from... and I was pretty darned sure it was coming from my kidney. Sure enough, yesterday, the kidney stone mercifully broke his lease and exited the premises.

So in one week I experienced a subchorionic bleed but an otherwise normal pregnancy, an absurd amount of pain, trauma, and terror, a (barely) second trimester miscarriage, a D&C, dehydration, AND a kidney stone. And you know what? If one more person says to me that this was G-d's Will or that maybe I should "just adopt" I swear I will spend the rest of my days in prison for a gruesome homicide.

G-d and I, we're not really on speaking terms right now, so please, please, please don't suggest that I should think of this as His will.

Oh, and two more fun points:

1. Turns out my fertility doctor is on leave for three months because she had a baby! I'm so glad nothing was wrong! Months ago I thought she might be pregnant, but she never got any bigger! She had to have been 9+ months pregnant when I saw her last and she STILL didn't look pregnant. So yeah. I'm happy for her, but boy have you gotta love the irony.

2. The hospital was unable to do genetic testing on the "products of conception." I'm beyond upset at this point. I was really doing okay, physically and emotionally, but I completely fell apart once I got home after finding that out. It's no one's fault; it just is the way it is. Further proof that SOMEONE UP THERE HATES ME.

Ahem.

Current Mood: blank blank

26 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
(Deleted comment)
happyduck1979 From: happyduck1979 Date: October 17th, 2006 11:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hugs.

I am so sorry you are going through such a rough patch right now.

Let me know if I can be of any help. I can not do much, but I am an okay listener.
archgirl06 From: archgirl06 Date: October 18th, 2006 12:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Just *hugs*
I know it's overused especially online, but it's really the only thing to say right now.

Though, I do have a lifesize homer simpson punching bag thing (well it's my brother's but I'm sure he'll let you borrow it) that "Doh!" everytime you hit it. At least brings a little humor to wanting to kick the !@#$ out of people, right?
ailsaek From: ailsaek Date: October 18th, 2006 12:05 am (UTC) (Link)
The hospital was unable to do genetic testing on the "products of conception." I'm beyond upset at this point. I was really doing okay, physically and emotionally, but I completely fell apart once I got home after finding that out. It's no one's fault; it just is the way it is. Further proof that SOMEONE UP THERE HATES ME.

Ow. They couldn't with Tova either. She'd been dead too long. Talk about twisting the knife.

Lots & lots & lots & lots of sympathy.
mindycl From: mindycl Date: October 18th, 2006 12:22 am (UTC) (Link)
that last point angers me th most. how can you not find dna in a 14 week old fetus??? that had eyes and ears and hands and feet? something is warped.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: October 18th, 2006 01:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Well, it actually wasn't anyone's fault. I "delivered" the fetus in the emergency room. They followed THEIR protocol, which meant that it was preserved in some sort of solution. Unfortunately, that specific solution precludes genetic testing. Whatever tissue was retrieved with the D&C wasn't suitable for genetics, for whatever reason. My doctor had tried to intervene with the actual fetus, but he'd been too late. Now I know for next time, if there IS a next time.

The ER doctor followed proper protocol, just not the protocol I needed. I don't actually know that genetics would have yielded enough answers, but I was hoping for a few more pieces to this reproductive puzzle of mine.
magid From: magid Date: October 18th, 2006 01:25 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, dang. (Well, actually, something many orders of magnitude stronger than that, but you get the idea.)

All of it sucks, but this sounds even more frustrating than the rest, somehow.

I wish I had better words than just *hugs*...
mrn613 From: mrn613 Date: October 18th, 2006 12:25 am (UTC) (Link)
I wish there was something I could say to make something, anything, better.
jeannegrrl From: jeannegrrl Date: October 18th, 2006 12:55 am (UTC) (Link)
And you know what? If one more person says to me that this was G-d's Will or that maybe I should "just adopt" I swear I will spend the rest of my days in prison for a gruesome homicide.

oh man... ~~~HUG~~~
yeishlitikvah From: yeishlitikvah Date: October 18th, 2006 01:16 am (UTC) (Link)
hugs all i can say is boy don't people suck and say really stupid things some times?
indigodove From: indigodove Date: October 18th, 2006 02:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Well, that was going to be my response.

So, I'll just go with hugs.
hopeness From: hopeness Date: October 18th, 2006 01:20 am (UTC) (Link)
Wow. That's quite a week. I'm so sorry, I don't know what would be helpful to say at this point. It's certainly obvious what is *unhelpful*... we can share a cell after I kill all the people who've told me I'll get pregnant if I just "relax".
gnomi From: gnomi Date: October 18th, 2006 01:23 am (UTC) (Link)
Best wishes from us to you.
From: dalitb Date: October 18th, 2006 01:39 am (UTC) (Link)

More Hugs

Hi Karen. I haven't posted any comments yet because I really don't know what to can say, except that I'm so sorry and that your situation sucks. But after this last post I just had to say something. When heard your good news (two weeks ago) I was so excited for you. I wish that I had been able to share your joy rather than your sorrow. It is not G-d's will that this happened. If G-d had anything to do with this you would already have a healthy baby or two at home.

HUGS

osewalrus From: osewalrus Date: October 18th, 2006 02:12 am (UTC) (Link)

On the plus side

You have friends who will hit you up the side of the head with a clue-by-four when you are being stubbornly stupid, chearfuly ignore your instructions to let you rot alone in the waiting room, and otherwise look out for you when they have to, despite your best efforts to the contrary.

If you die at this point, you will piss off a whole community. Don't die. We'll all be very annoyed. My sister-in-law will never let me or Shmuel hear the end of it (like it would have ben OUR fault . . . .)
leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: October 18th, 2006 02:57 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: On the plus side

Right! I know I'd be seriously pissed off. Count me in on that.
ichur72 From: ichur72 Date: October 18th, 2006 02:16 am (UTC) (Link)
>> or that maybe I should "just adopt"

What the ... ? There's no "just" about adopting.

Meanwhile, hooray for good drugs and boo for no genetic testing.
leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: October 18th, 2006 02:52 am (UTC) (Link)
RIGHT BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT ADOPTING IS JUST A PIECE OF CAKE!

osewalrus From: osewalrus Date: October 18th, 2006 11:23 am (UTC) (Link)
God knows I've been scared off it for life.
leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: October 18th, 2006 11:26 am (UTC) (Link)
Most people have better experiences than we have thus far. Our agency had a lot of turnover and Russia (per their regular operating procedure) has revamped policy about three times since we started this process 2+ years ago. That said, we're putting in paperwork to adopt again! He needs a little sister/brother to pick on (read bond with)
osewalrus From: osewalrus Date: October 18th, 2006 12:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
My (albeit limited) research indicates that you are not nearly as much of an exception as you seem to think.

I know Karen and Sherry maintain that Chinese adoption is now routinely easy. But I have still heard too many bad stories. Given my nervousness to begin with (Aaron is 8, and while I miss baby Aaron in a lot of ways, mostly self-sufficient Aaron is good too), I am just not willing to risk squindoodles of money and invest myself emotionally so I can get jerked around by a foreign bureaucracy.
leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: October 18th, 2006 12:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Chinese adoption has its own little problems as well, as you point out. Adoption, foreign or domestic, is very risky, emotionally taxing, and a financial sink hole. However, it's the option available to us at present. After three (count 'em) miscarriages, Joel not getting any younger (48) and 8+ years of marriage it was time to do something. The heartbreak was a burden on both of us. Who knows what the future brings. Perhaps there will even be a biological child. At 36, I have some time.
yarbiedoll From: yarbiedoll Date: October 18th, 2006 02:42 am (UTC) (Link)

Drugs are my friend.

Dilaudid + Zofran is my self-medicating kidney stone cocktail of choice. I keep some on hand at all times. Dilaudid is the only pain med I respond to, and I find the Zofran to be a much more pleasant alternative to Phenergan, which makes me vomit (oh, the irony!) because I'm allergic to it. Of course, I found that out the hard way...

I'm sorry things suck so much right now. I wish there was something I could do. I'll keep praying. :(

leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: October 18th, 2006 02:54 am (UTC) (Link)
You and I spend a lot of our time trying to become mothers. It's unreal, isn't it?

I doubt that the someone up there hates you...it just seems that way. Bad things happen and it is in poor taste to remark that is was "G-d's Will" to someone who has suffered as you have this past week. Poor taste. Let me at 'em!



eyelid From: eyelid Date: October 18th, 2006 02:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Like I said, G-d has a lot to answer for.

I'm glad you're past the worst, at least. I've never had a kidney stone but I hear they are horrific. And hopefully now your uterus has calmed down a bit.
real_bethy From: real_bethy Date: October 18th, 2006 07:43 pm (UTC) (Link)

Ugh...

I think that if I had gone through everything that you have and then someone told me that it was "G-d's will" that I would punch them in the face. Kudos to you for showing restraint!

There aren't words...saying "I'm sorry" just doesn't express how strongly I feel for you. You are a special person to me and I hate that you have had to go through this kind of...well, @#$%!. It's not fair, it sucks, and I know I've asked G-d why things like this happen to good people who deserve better.

I know it sounds so trivial...but I AM here for you. I can't make the pain go away...but I can listen.
26 comments or Leave a comment