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My grandmother passed away yesterday at around 7:30 Texas time. My… - Karen's Musings
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estherchaya
estherchaya
My grandmother passed away yesterday at around 7:30 Texas time. My mother didn't call, presumably because it was Shabbos, and yet I'm irritated that she didn't, even though I wasn't even here when she would have called.

More to the point, I'm irritated because she doesn't think I should go to Texas for my grandmother's internment at Fort Sam Houston. "Oh no," she says, "it will probably be my father and me; just the two of us." Excuse me? My grandmother had three people left in her family, her husband, her daughter, and me. (well, also my brother, but he doesn't count) Why is it not okay for ME to be there?

Anyway, I'm sad that she's gone, but extremely relieved that her long struggle is over. At some point, I'll write a little bit about my grandmother.

Current Mood: bitchy bitchy

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Comments
arosoff From: arosoff Date: August 6th, 2006 01:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Baruch Dayan ha'Emet--I'm sorry :(
As for your mother... hmm, maybe she thinks it's kinder on you by not forcing you to make such a long trip? :/
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: August 6th, 2006 02:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Yes, I'm sure that's exactly what she thought. I'm sure she meant nothing by it. Anyway, we've already worked it out, and she'll let me know when everything's happening. It's not a religious funeral, so it's not like it's happening tomorrow or anything. Probably mid-week.

Anyway, I'm really fine. I was really steamed about the implication that my presence wasn't required or even wanted, but I really am relieved that my grandmother isn't still suffering.
(Deleted comment)
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: August 6th, 2006 02:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks.

I heard you were sick this shabbos; are you feeling better?
goudagirl From: goudagirl Date: August 6th, 2006 01:38 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry. if there is anything you need, let me know.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: August 6th, 2006 02:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. I'm okay. I was more peeved at my mother than anything. My grandmother has been on a steep decline for years, so I'd long since come to terms with losing her.
goudagirl From: goudagirl Date: August 6th, 2006 03:05 am (UTC) (Link)
yeah, my bubbe had alzheimers for almost 8 years before she passed away. her body was healthy but her mind was gone. it was harder to watch her lose herself than to watch her die. My Nana died quickly and unexpectedly, but 20 years later, it's still a huge void. she missed so much.

on the other hand, my great uncle died two years ago next month. he was in his 90s, but he was the closest thing to a grandfather I had--since mine were both gone before I was born. he lived not far from us, and my husban and I were involved in taking care of him from day to day. toward the end, my husband went over every night and put him to bed. it wasn't completely unexpected, but the pain still is very raw. the love of his life died in 1998, and his body kept going when he was probably ready to go. he had been hospitalized and transferred to the jewish home for a short time, but the first night he was there, he told everyone he loved them and died in his sleep within a few hours.

I'm sorry your mom is being an ass. my father's family were assholes during the service for my uncle, and it was hard to grieve and try to keep the peace.

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to remember everything good about your grandmother in your life, and not let this crap with your mom taint any part of it.

and my offer stands, if you need anything, just ask.
mrn613 From: mrn613 Date: August 6th, 2006 01:50 am (UTC) (Link)
so sorry about your grandma
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: August 6th, 2006 02:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. I appreciate it.
magid From: magid Date: August 6th, 2006 02:01 am (UTC) (Link)
Baruch Dayan Emet.

I got nothing about the rest of it, though; families can be such strange things...
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: August 6th, 2006 02:03 am (UTC) (Link)
yeah, well, my mom and I have already worked it out. I'm sure what she really meant to say was, "Sweetie, we'd love for you to be here, but we absolutely would understand if you couldn't make it and we're just going to do something private, so it's not like all of San Antonio will be scandalized if her granddaughter isn't there, so if you can't get out of work, or can't manage a flight out, we understand."

But it came out like "your presence doesn't matter, don't bother."
leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: August 6th, 2006 03:57 am (UTC) (Link)
Yeah. She's tired and more than a little sad, no? Even if you see it coming, it doesn't make you *ready*. We were there when Joel's mother died and he still couldn't put his head around it.

I am deeply sorry for your loss of your grandmother.

Are you going?
either_or From: either_or Date: August 6th, 2006 02:03 am (UTC) (Link)
i look forward to learning more about her. i hope things work out with your mom and the interment.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: August 6th, 2006 02:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. I'm a little horrified to discover that I really don't know all that much about her, but I certainly have enough of my own memories to relay.
mortuus From: mortuus Date: August 6th, 2006 02:19 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry for your loss. *hugs*

Hopefully your mother was attempting to be thoughtful for you and just not realizing how you would feel.
zsero From: zsero Date: August 6th, 2006 02:21 am (UTC) (Link)
Internment? No matter what she did, surely they're not going to insist on locking her up for it, now that she's dead! Talk about cruel and unusual!

PS: :-) A light note at a dark time.

cleobatya From: cleobatya Date: August 6th, 2006 02:22 am (UTC) (Link)
im glad your grandmother isnt suffering anymore...i hope your grandfather and your fam are doing okk...
archgirl06 From: archgirl06 Date: August 6th, 2006 02:24 am (UTC) (Link)
=/

I hope you feel better soon.
ichur72 From: ichur72 Date: August 6th, 2006 02:27 am (UTC) (Link)
So sorry to hear the news, but glad to hear you've worked it out with your mother.
hopeness From: hopeness Date: August 6th, 2006 02:36 am (UTC) (Link)
So sorry to hear the news.
yarbiedoll From: yarbiedoll Date: August 6th, 2006 02:43 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs*
zis770 From: zis770 Date: August 6th, 2006 02:51 am (UTC) (Link)
Baruch Dayan haEmes, and I also wanted to add that I'm happy things worked out with your mother. I definitely relate with communication problems and mothers!
indigodove From: indigodove Date: August 6th, 2006 03:00 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm glad that you take comfort in knowing that her struggle is over. Thinking of you & your family.
mysticchyna From: mysticchyna Date: August 6th, 2006 03:11 am (UTC) (Link)
oh dear...i'm so very sorry.
gnomi From: gnomi Date: August 6th, 2006 03:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Baruch dayan ha emet.
cellio From: cellio Date: August 6th, 2006 03:18 am (UTC) (Link)
Baruch dayan ha-emet. I'm sorry about the other family stuff.
mindycl From: mindycl Date: August 6th, 2006 03:47 am (UTC) (Link)
oy. im sorry. hamakom yenachem eschem. I jsut went through this myself. but oy, shiva is such an important thing... so sad that there won't be a real shiva (if I understan correctly) to mourn and get over the loss. I wish you and your mother true comfort and nechama.
ouiserboudreaux From: ouiserboudreaux Date: August 6th, 2006 04:44 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm so sorry for your loss but I also know what a relief it is for someone you love to be done with their pain and suffering.

I hope things with your mom even out - remember losing a parent can make people do odd things. I could write a book about my mom's strange behavior losing her parents.
hannahsarah From: hannahsarah Date: August 6th, 2006 05:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Baruch Dayan Emes

In the merit of your grandmother, try to judge your mom favorably. She's probably all freaked out and stressed and grieving, and just not expressing herself very well.

May her memory be a comfort to you.

{{hugs}}
torahumaddachic From: torahumaddachic Date: August 6th, 2006 08:15 am (UTC) (Link)
TiNachamu Min HaShamayim......
real_bethy From: real_bethy Date: August 6th, 2006 02:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Baruch Dayan ha'Emet...may you and your family be comforted amoung the mourners of Jerusalem and Zion. I'm sorry for your loss...though I am glad that your grandmother is finally at peace. I know the past couple of years have been a struggle for you all.

Please let me know if you need ANYTHING - I'm always here for you.
From: cecerose Date: August 6th, 2006 04:12 pm (UTC) (Link)

My condolences...

May your grandmother's memory be for a blessing...

And hopefully everything else with your family will work out...
osewalrus From: osewalrus Date: August 6th, 2006 05:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Let me add my voice to the chorus of folks offering comfort, and ask if there is anything we can do. Unfortunately, we leave Wed. morning for Pennsic.
From: have_inner_lady Date: August 7th, 2006 02:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Go anyway.
glenbarnett From: glenbarnett Date: August 8th, 2006 01:34 am (UTC) (Link)

I'm sad for you and your grandmother.

I'm not sure I understand your mother's actions there.


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