?

Log in

entries friends calendar profile Previous Previous Next Next
I'm going to say this for hopefully the LAST time - Karen's Musings
Random Rambling
estherchaya
estherchaya
I'm going to say this for hopefully the LAST time
Jimminy Cricket, people. Stop asking me if we have "any further idea" (or any such phrase) or whether we'll be able to adopt Julian. Here are a couple of points:

  1. We don't know what's going to happen.
  2. We WON'T know what's going to happen until AT LEAST September, and maybe not even then.
  3. We are foster parents.
  4. Foster parents are DESIGNED to be temporary.
  5. When and if we learn that it will be something more than temporary, I PROMISE you, we'll be shouting it off the rooftops, so you don't have to worry that you'll be out of the loop. I think you'll hear us rejoicing in Uzbekistan.
  6. The odds are against us being able to adopt Julian. Seriously. Don't you think it's stressful enough for us to have that knowledge without being hounded by people about whether we'll be able to adopt him?
  7. Whether or not this becomes longer term than September, we will always have the knowledge that we gave him a loving, caring home for an extremely important year of his life. We will also know that we have benefitted and grown as people by having him in our lives. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
  8. If we give him back, it's not a bad thing. He will go back to his mother if she gets her life together...gets and keeps a job, a home, insurance, can provide food and day care and clothing, etc. for Julian. If she accomplishes all of that, isn't that a wonderful thing?


For those of you that have NOT been hounding us, my apologies. For those of you who have been, I'm not trying to be rude. I just need to not stress about this. The truth is, I can't think of anyone on my LJ friends list that has been hounding, per se. Mostly, I'm venting about non-LJ people.

Current Mood: annoyed annoyed

25 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
From: gingy Date: January 3rd, 2005 10:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
So... you adopted him yet?

OW!
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 4th, 2005 03:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
ahem.

Comments like that don't bother me. It's people that hound me. Yesterday what set me off was a conversation that went something like this:

Friend: How's mommyhood?
Me: Great! Julian's so sweet. He's a little sick right now, but he's adorable anyway.
F: Any more idea of whether he'll become yours soon?
M: No more than I had yesterday when you asked.
F: When will you know?
M: We're really not approaching it that way. He'll be in our care until at least September and after that is an unknown, so we're not really going to know anything for months. I assure you, if anything changes, you'll hear about it.
F: The system sucks, doesn't it? I want you to be his parents.
M: He's not in the system. This was a private placement for one year. If he goes back to his mother, it's because she's done things like get a job and keep it, saved money, found a place to live, proved herself drug free, found resources for day care and insurance, etc. HOw is that a bad thing?
F: But still, she's so young.
M: She's an adult. She's 22.
F: Don't you think you'd be better parents?
M: That's really not for me to decide.
F: Well, when will you know whether she wants him back?
M: I know now that she wants him back.

And on, and on, and on, and on.
(Deleted comment)
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 5th, 2005 04:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
yeah. Well, this particular "friend" is actually someone I've been a little fed up with for a while. But there are plenty of people I have to interact with, whether or not they're friends, that continually ask the same questions that I've told them I don't have answers to.
ginamariewade From: ginamariewade Date: January 3rd, 2005 10:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Foster parents. You've gone up a notch in my book.
I work in a state psych hospital - a lot of my clients are foster kids who have blown placements.

You are a front line soldier in the war for the future.
Yasher Koach.

Oh, and meet gasunshine - she's a foster parent, too.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 4th, 2005 03:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
We're actually not technically foster parents, since "foster parent" is a term d'arte in legal circles. It's an actual legal status which we don't have.

Julian was placed privately with us, and we are currently petitioning to be his temporary legal guardians, but in the sense that it is temporary and we are his "parental figures" for the time being, we are, indeed, foster parents.

He's a special boy and the rewards for us are probably far greater than the rewards for him.

I'm not sure if I will pursue foster parenting through the county in the future or not. We've had Julian two months, and it's very horrible to imagine giving him up, which we will likely do. I'm not sure how many times we could do that.

So you see... I'm not as honourable as people seem to think... I'm really not certain I could do it again.
ginamariewade From: ginamariewade Date: January 3rd, 2005 10:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Make that ga_sunshine.
leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: January 3rd, 2005 10:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
As you know, we are going through the adoption process. It is a long and drawn out adventure that will actually begin when we adopt our child. You have no idea how many people hound us for information on when we are going and about the child despite us telling them over and over again that we will know when we are going at the last possible moment and that's when it will happen.

We have no control over these foreign governments and how fast they process our paperwork.

So I kind of know how you feel. BTW, I was not making reference to your questions regarding this matter, you hardly ever ask, and if you did ask you have a way of doing it so it isn't annoying.

We thought about becoming foster parents but decided not to because it is such an emotional journey. You have our support and admiration for doing this. Julian is a lucky kid.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 4th, 2005 03:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
So when will you know when you'll know something?
leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: January 4th, 2005 03:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
smack :)
From: gittygiggles Date: January 3rd, 2005 11:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
good, b/c i was planning on visiting Uzbekistan sometimes in the coming year and i want to be able to hear anyway ;)
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 4th, 2005 03:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
excellent.
(Deleted comment)
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 4th, 2005 03:37 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Foster Parent Design...

okay, so that was poor grammar, but I'm not going to fix it now.
(Deleted comment)
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 5th, 2005 04:32 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Foster Parent Design...

oh. Got it. Thanks.
drmellow From: drmellow Date: January 4th, 2005 06:37 am (UTC) (Link)
I think it's amazing that you guys are able to do the foster parent thing with Julian. No matter what happens beyond that, you are doing him a great service during this important time of his life.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 4th, 2005 03:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. That means a lot.
From: have_inner_lady Date: January 4th, 2005 09:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, good. For the first half of that post, I thought I was relegated to the dog house for our conversations three days ago. I didn't mean to press you then, either; however, it was even a teensy bit hard for me to let go of him with his wonderful keyed-up smile glowing at me.

On the sleeplessness thing: It's not surprising. He's growing so much, and very intelligent, and not ready to stop learning about the world for the mere reason of sleep. I've seen a lot of flux in my son's sleeping habits. It'll probably shift back when his brain moves out of whatever stage it's in.
(Deleted comment)
From: have_inner_lady Date: January 5th, 2005 12:19 am (UTC) (Link)

hopeful

organic farmers' market?
(Deleted comment)
From: have_inner_lady Date: January 5th, 2005 04:12 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Punishment

nooooo! not that! I'd rather have the shark pleasecanIhavethesharkinstead?

(why is it we always tease each other in Karen's journal?)
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 5th, 2005 05:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Punishment

(why is it we always tease each other in Karen's journal?)

Because I post more often than either of you, which is pretty pathetic, by the way, considering that I don't post as much as I used to.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: January 5th, 2005 04:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
I was absolutely not in any way referring to your questions. You were asking questions, getting information, learning about the situation...all good things. You were NOT pestering me for information I've already told you I don't have. That's different. And it's partly just about approach. I don't think you've pissed me off since middle school, and that was three lifetimes ago.
25 comments or Leave a comment