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weekend update - Karen's Musings
Random Rambling
estherchaya
estherchaya
weekend update
  • We had a lovely weekend.  No company for shabbos at all.  We had a quiet dinner which involved a rotisserie chicken from koshermart, orzo salad from shalom's, rice goop, sauteed vegetables also from shalom's, challah, and linzer tarts for dessert.  Lunch was deli meat/sandwiches and various side salads.  Very simple.  Very easy, very little stress.
  • Saturday was Daniel's aufruf, which was fabulous.  What's that you say?  You don't know what an aufruf is?  The Saturday before his wedding, the chosson (groom) is called to the torah for an honor.  In many congregations, the congregants shower (read: pelt) the groom with candy which represents the hope that he will be blessed with a sweet marriage.  Daniel, having stood next to many grooms in his tenure at Woodside, had the foresight to wear a hard hat.  :)  As well he should.  Woodside takes little cellophane baggies and puts twizzlers, swedish fish, sunkist fruit gems, and bubble gum in them and ties them closed with a bow.  And THESE are the baggies that the groom gets pelted with!  He was wise to wear protective gear.  There was also a lovely kiddush (gathering of the congregation after the service with yummy food) which Daniel's parents sponsored.  It was nice!
  • Saturday night, Kevin and Mariam came over and bought my Saturn for a dollar.  Good riddens!  Later,  I watched <i>Farewell my Concubine</i> until 3 in the morning..  Ugh.  Not ugh to the movie.  just ugh to the hour.  It was a much longer movie than I'd realized.  It was very good, though I can't say I understood all of it.  The fact that it was in Chinese didn't help matters.  ;)  Okay, yeah, it had subtitles.  But it was still a bit confusing at parts.  I just don't know enough about chinese culture to have been able to follow some of the subtleties.
  • Sunday wasn't as productive as it could have been.  I did get out of bed around 8 despite having been up until 3.  Seth had to work at 6, so he was long gone by the time I woke up.  I'm not really sure what happened to most of my morning, but I did eventually get the bedroom cleaned a bit and a good portion of dishes taken care of and some general cleaning.  My mother came over Sunday late afternoon to bring me some slides I'd asked for and to look at wedding pictures (she wants to order some).  She was at the house about 9 minutes before she started yelling at me.  I asked her to stop it, and she kept going, I asked her again to stop it, and she kept going, I said again, "stop it" and she said, "no, you stop it."  So I calmly said, "then get out."  I absolutely will not be yelled at in my own house anymore.  So she slammed my wedding album shut (that damn thing cost about $800.  If she had damaged a single inch, I'd have gone ballistic.  Fortunately it's fine) and stormed out.  I really didn't want her to leave, but I really wasn't going to take her sh*t either.  So now we're not speaking.  Right after my mother stormed out, my father called to tell me he was okay, and I burst into tears as soon as I answered the phone.  He, of course, believes that it's all my mother's fault.  On the one hand it probably isn't nice to talk to my father about my mother.  On the other hand, he lived with her crap for 26 years.  He knows what I'm talking about. He always reassures me that it's NOT me.  So even if it is me, it's nice to know that he's going to be the one person who doesn't think it's me.   He reminded me that she doesn't get along with him, she doesn't get along with my brother, and she doesn't get along with me (though I'm by far the best relationship she's got among the three of us).  Then he asked what the common denominator was.  I reminded him that I was never very good in math.  ;)  Anyway, the point, really, is that I just don't understand why I must have such an adversarial relationship with her.  I'm so tired of her getting defensive at my every off-hand comment.  I'm tired of being accused of thinking horrible things about her.  I'm tired of being yelled at.  I'm tired of her thinking it's still her job to raise me.  I'm tired of feeling like I have to walk on eggshells every time I'm near her.  BLAH.  But I <i>do</i> want to have a relationship with her.  I just wish I could figure out WHY I want a relationship with her.  At some point there's got to be a better answer than "because she's my mommy."
  • Anyway, right.  Seth was very good to me that day.  I love my Seth.
  • Monday we went to Daniel and Stevie's wedding in Delaware.  Traffic was surprisingly a BREEZE!  We got there over an hour early.  Whoops.  But at least we weren't late.  The wedding was lovely and Daniel and Stevie were both obviously having a fantastic time.  And there was purple wedding cake.  Not purple icing.  Purple CAKE.  It was nifty.  Seth and I returned home in time to head out to Borders for a bit.  We bought a bunch of movies and several books.  I almost got a book on table setting, but I thought Jo might have a conniption if I did.    When we got home, we had time even to play a game (Phase 10) and watch one of the newly acquired movies, <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0106339/">Backbeat</a>.  It was a very good movie,
  • OH!  And our Succah was delivered on Monday!  It was a good day.
  • Oh!  And I'm going to be hosting a Pampered Chef Party.  Who wants to come??

That is all for now.

Current Mood: cheerful cheerful

26 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
From: gingy Date: September 7th, 2004 01:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ah loves me some Pampered Chef. Oh yeah.

As for your mother - If she's going to start yelling at you in your home, you're right to end it right then. You are an adult, married, with your own home and your own life. You are not a naughty ten year old. I'm very fortunate in that my mom doesn't ever treat me like a child, but I know so very many mothers that just can't let go. Besides which, you're her little girl. It may take her awhile to just let go of that.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: September 8th, 2004 06:41 am (UTC) (Link)
so are you coming then?
From: gingy Date: September 8th, 2004 09:31 am (UTC) (Link)
I'd like to. Afternoon or evening?
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: September 8th, 2004 09:46 am (UTC) (Link)
probably a Sunday afternoon (1 or 2 o'clock). We're looking at possibly the 26th
From: gingy Date: September 8th, 2004 09:48 am (UTC) (Link)
Afternoon is best. Otherwise, I'll fall asleep and you'll have to roll me out to my car.
cellio From: cellio Date: September 8th, 2004 09:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, but that's better -- she can finish filling out your order form without you having to make all those pesky decisions. :-)
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estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: September 8th, 2004 06:36 am (UTC) (Link)
my mother's just being my mother. She's theoretically speaking to me again. But she's DRIVING ME CRAZY.
From: gittygiggles Date: September 7th, 2004 04:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
do they make all red swedish fish???? i've only seen the stinky multi colored ones. one of these days i'm going to the candy store!!!

my mommy has offered her mommy-ing services to all those in need. she's offered lauren too...and a friend from highschool. and dan :) and my mommy rocks. even if she is a little....libral....

i would come to pampered chef, but it'd be at night and i'm lazy. but i might want to hook you up wiht an order. it depends if i ever get the stuff i ordered a month ago.....
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: September 7th, 2004 04:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
it'll likely be on a Sunday afternoon (maybe the 26th), so that's not at night!!
From: gittygiggles Date: September 7th, 2004 04:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
intriguing. we shall see. it depends on how clingy dan is ;). we usually dont make plans to do anything separate if he's off.
leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: September 7th, 2004 04:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
ERRRGH! Get in the Honda station wagon and drive down here! Ahem.
From: gittygiggles Date: September 7th, 2004 04:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
my mommy invited me for dinner and for the afternoon on thursday. i asked dan what he thought about it and his eyes got really big and he said in this scared shocked baby voice "what about the hubby!?!?!?"

so yeah....i type this as he's at shul.....away from me......hhhmmm ;)
leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: September 7th, 2004 08:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
A little independence never hurt anyone...Dan could stop by my house with Asher and play with uncle Joelly..Joelly misses Asher's chub :)
From: gittygiggles Date: September 8th, 2004 03:56 am (UTC) (Link)
we'll see. i dont know how dan would take to that ;) he'd probably be like "but wifey! i have work to do!"

atually, he finished the bathroom. it has WALLS now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no shower yet...my dad cant come b/c they're moving. stupid house, ruining my bathroom. and the toilet hose thing downstairs is leaking. it looks like they rigged the damn thing b/c it's not standard size (go frickin figure) and none of the home depot hoses will fit. dan thinks we're going to have to replace the turny knobby thing in the floor. ugh. I JUST WANT TO PEE IN MY DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM1 and have a shower in it. and walls. and a closest to put crap. and decorate it. and have pretty things....that's all.
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: September 8th, 2004 06:39 am (UTC) (Link)
so if he has work to do, he can stay home. There's no law that says you can't do something fun for yourself. (I'm not trying to force you to come...you'll either come or you won't, I'm just saying that there ARE options).

So if Dan doesn't want to come on down and play with Joel, leave him at home to do his work. It's not like you'd be gone that long. (besides, Lauren will be there)
From: gittygiggles Date: September 8th, 2004 09:47 am (UTC) (Link)
you hook me up with the specifics and we'll talk :)
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: September 8th, 2004 06:37 am (UTC) (Link)
do they make all red swedish fish????

Yes.
From: gittygiggles Date: September 8th, 2004 08:55 am (UTC) (Link)
and where might i find such things?
estherchaya From: estherchaya Date: September 8th, 2004 09:45 am (UTC) (Link)
dunno. I pretty much never eat them, so I never actually try finding them. But I know they make them.
leahmiriam From: leahmiriam Date: September 7th, 2004 04:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
I was where you are now with my mother. I didn't want to end my relationship with her, but I wasn't exactly given a choice. You have my sympathies, I know how exhausting it is to be on the receiving end of abuse for no good reason. I think the reason they lash out at us is that they know we'll take it. Good for you--she deserved to be kicked out of your house, she wasn't respecting common limits.
ichur72 From: ichur72 Date: September 8th, 2004 05:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
>> At some point there's got to be a better answer than "because she's my mommy."

If you ask me, the answer is: because you're a decent human being and you want to offer basic civility to a person who gave you life and raised you, no matter how badly *she* chooses to behave.

Sorry this happened -- it is no fun dealing with a parent on this level.
ichur72 From: ichur72 Date: September 9th, 2004 07:12 am (UTC) (Link)
>> And there was purple wedding cake. Not purple icing. Purple CAKE.

Reminds me ... some friends of mine told me that when they got married, they found some very, uh, *interesting* food waiting for them in the yichud room. The bride's sister had hoped to make something that combined the groom's favorite (pineapple) with the bride's favorite (chocolate), but when it came down to it, the only chocolate she could find was some sort of fancy decorator's chocolate, colored lavender. So she tried to melt it in the microwave and hoped for the best. It didn't turn out so attractive -- I was told it looked like a big, lumpy and ominously purple blob. They said it tasted OK, though, once they got over the initial "what IS this?!" and took a bite.
26 comments or Leave a comment